September 1

To my favorite Pangasinense,

I understand why you need your time alone. Alam ko kung gaano kaimportante yun sa’yo lalo pa’t you’re still unsure about a lot of things in your life right now. I just don’t know why you need them. You never told me why.

I just hope when that time comes you decide to come back, all the questions I have in my mind will have an answer. I have a lot of them right now. And I hope these questions that keep me up all night thinking about what I did wrong will be answered. And I hope the answers are enough to calm my mind.

Yours always,

R from Lucena

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August 31

To my favorite Pangasinense,

So today Troye Sivan released his sophomore album Bloom, and it made me think of you. You’ve told me in the past how important Blue Neighbourhood is to you as it captured your youth perfectly. Still studying in UST back then, the album served as somewhat of a soundtrack to your everyday life there. At hindi ko rin malilimutan ang mga kwento mo tungkol sa ex mo at sa mga kantang nagpapaalala sa’yo tungkol sa inyong nakaraan.

Hindi ko alam kung paano tayo napunta sa Blue Neighbourhood. Just like every night kasi, we talked about anything. I shared to you my love for Suburbia, Wild, and Lost Boy. I shared to you the stories why I love these songs. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko naman lahat ng kanta sa album. Blue Neighbourhood  is a solid album for me. Then you told me your favorites and your stories. You told me the whys. You told me the hows. And then you told me about your past. And your ex.

Akala ko it will be just any other night but that truth changed it. You’ve told me about your ex before but that night was the first time you really opened up. You chose to be vulnerable.

You told me that before me, there’s your ex from DLSU. I know that. Sinabi mo na yun sa akin noon. But the next one hit me. You told me that even after 1 and a half years, you still cried for him. Kapag naaalala mo siya, it still hurts.

What I felt and thought about that truth is for another day na lang. I still need time to process things. And I don’t want to be sad today. This is to appreciate Bloom. 🙂  I know you’ll like the album. I know you’ll love The Good Side, Plum, Seventeen, and Animal. Those are my favorites. I really love the album. The Good Side made me think of you. Of what happened between us.

And to end this post, this is probably my favorite lyrics from Bloom:

I’m sure we’ll meet in the spring
And catch up on everything
I’ll say I’m proud of all that you’ve done
You taught me the ropes, and you taught me to love

Thinking of you,

R from Lucena

August 30

To my favorite Pangasinense,

Today I woke up, and decided to move forward. Like what we always say to each other before. Like what we always say when things get hard. When things get real between the two of us. Move forward. And by doing so I am prioritizing myself, my happiness, and more importantly, my mental health.

Hindi naman ibig sabihin ay hindi na ako concerned sa’yo. Of course I am. I’ll always be concerned for you. Ako pa? When it comes to you, I’ll always be concerned. Ganyan kaya kita kamahal. Yun nga lang, siguro oras na rin para piliin ko muna ang sarili ko.

I’m sorry if I’m being selfish. Alam kong ginagawa ko na namang tungkol sa akin ito when the fact is it’s all about you. You want your time. Time that I gave to you. Hindi ko na iyon ipinagdamot sa’yo kasi baka yun nga ang kailangan mo ngayon. Kaya nga siguro ako naman ang nangangailangan ng oras para sa sarili ko.

Alam kong sa tamang panahon ay babalik ka. Babalik din tayo sa dati. And I’m willing to wait for that time to come. May it be 2 months. 1 year. 2 years. Hihintayin kita. Ganyan kaya kita kamahal.

Yours always,

R from Lucena

Basketball and Nerds

Unrequited love. A lot of authors have written books about this particular subject matter. It’s one of the most common tropes used in romance novels. And no matter how many times we have read about unrequited love, we still couldn’t get enough of it. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in us. Maybe it’s our own familiarity with these stories. Maybe it’s the hope that maybe the book that we are reading has the happy ending we wish we have had in the past.

Every one of us in a way fell in love with someone dear to us. With someone very close to us. Our best friend. Our next door neighbor. Our classmate.  We all have experienced unrequited love growing up. No use in denying it. We all have. And reading these books not only helps us relive the innocent and sweet feelings of it, deep down in our hearts, we want the story for these characters to have that clichéd happy ending. We hope for the love one gives be reciprocated.

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Resolutions

Every year, we write about the things we want to change, improve, and remove from our lives. People are hopeful, believing in new beginnings. And year after year, we tend to fail in achieving these unattainable goals we set for ourselves. I for one don’t believe in having these resolutions. It’s so attached to the idea of the New Year that even only after a few days or months passed, people have already given up or even forgotten about them. I guess we can say that resolutions only work when it’s within the proximity of the New Year. So for me, I don’t want to make a resolution. I rather make a promise to myself.

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