I am someone who values chastity. I promised myself to remain chaste until I find the right person to do it with. I am also the type of person who don’t trust people easily because of past experiences. But for you, my common sense just went out the window. Everything I stand for, my principles and all, I dropped so that I can have you.
Ang tanga ko.
For someone who considers himself smart, when it comes to love, ang tanga ko. I gave myself to you. I trusted you. You’re a total stranger to me. Ilang araw pa lang tayong magkakilala at isang beses ko pa lang narinig ang boses mo, I already fell for you. Not just fell, I fell hard.
We had sex. It was my first experience. You know that. I was completely honest to you. It was hard for me you see. I don’t know what to do. Ayaw mo na hindi matuloy. Kahit umaayaw na ko, hindi ka nagpapigil. There were times na gusto kong umiyak. I was questioning myself if the decision I made was right. At times I wanted to pull myself away but you were strong. So I just let you do it.
I guess isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako nahulog sa’yo ay ang mga sinasabi mo sa akin sa chats at texts. You were saying what I wanted to hear. I’ve shared my story to you and you used it as a leverage against me. You have a way with words. You had the sweetest lips whispering sugarcoated lies into my ears. You know I liked you so you hold that against me.
After doing the deed, we cuddled for a long time. I had my head against your chest. It was sweet. Kinilig ako. You wanted to sleep because you’re tired but I keep asking you questions. I bugged you. I kept asking for your real name, your job, and where you live. You answered me with one truth and two lies.
You asked me to put on my clothes after resting for a few minutes. You said you’re going home already because you’re still tired from your trip. I reiterated my feelings for you. You saw how sad I became when you said you wanted to leave. You reassured me. You won’t reject my feelings.
We went home and we’re still okay. We texted about the experience. You asked me if I think you’re ugly. I said no. You look fine to me. You asked me if I liked it and I said yes.
I even told you that if you wanted to stop what’s happening between the two of us, just tell me so. Ayoko kasing umasa. Sabi mo hindi mo gagawin yun. I fell even harder for you.
The very next day, I woke up happy. I still have you. That’s what I thought. I texted you from time to time. You reply most of the time. Until the time came when I’m texting you and you don’t reply to me anymore.
I was warned by my friends about this. They said you only want to have a one night stand. In the back of my mind, I wanted to believe them but I believed in you instead. I trusted you kasi. You had me at the palm of your hand.
I tried to not text you but it was so hard. It only lasted for a day. Bigla kang nagtext kahit hindi ako nagtetext sa’yo. Umasa na naman ako. Bumalik na naman yung pagtetext ko kahit hindi ka nagtetext sa akin. Ang tanga ko.
Then one day, yung araw na hindi ko hinihingi na makita kita, I saw you. I saw you riding in the back of a motorcycle. I glanced as you were passing by. You glanced back and I know you saw me. It broke me. I almost broke down as I was eating my burger at one of the famous diners in the city. I wanted to kill myself then. I was riding my bike afterwards ready to die just to ease the pain I’m experiencing that time. It’s insane how far I went down the rabbit hole.
I texted you. You told me you didn’t saw me but I know you did. I stopped texting you for three days after that. You didn’t even care. Sabi nga ni Taylor Swift: “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.” Ang tanga ko.
To be continued…