Moving On/Forward

Some people believe in the five stages of grief. It assumes the existence of emotions that people experience when dealing with personal tragedies. May it be loss of a loved one, heartbreak, loss of employment, onset of a disease or chronic illness, rejection, or even minor tragedies; the emotions people feel are in that five stages of grief.

The model used to describe the five stages of grief is the Kübler-Ross model first introduced by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying.

The Kübler-Ross model is divided into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The model was first used to describe the loss of a loved one but since then evolved and is used for any type of personal tragedies. According to the author of the model, the stages are not always in order when experienced by a specific person as people differ in dealing with their own problems. Sometimes, these stages also overlap.

So here’s the thing, I always reference the five stages of grief whenever I experience something tragic in my life: bad haircut, regrets of impulse buying, character assassination, break up, money problems, etc. Name a tragic event I’ve experienced and I can assure you I’ve used the Kübler-Ross model to cope with it.

If you’re an Internet person, you may have heard of the Five Stages of Grief: Taylor Swift Edition. Some sexist people believe that Taylor only dates for song inspirations. Her most successful songs are all about relationships. She dates someone and when they break up, she channels her anger into songwriting. Afterwards, the songs will blow up the charts and earn her some awards. For Taylor, the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance speech.

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Very recently, I have experienced something tragic. I did something stupid and it bit me in the ass. I got my heartbroken by someone I barely knew. It was stupid I know. And this time also, the five stages of grief came in handy.

  1. DENIAL

Even though I totally saw this coming, I was still in denial. Sabi nga ng kantang Sana Mali ng Moonstar 88, Ako’y hindi kaagad natauhan / Gulat pa rin kahit inaasahan. I know it’s coming all along. My friends even warned me about this thing I got myself into.

  1. ANGER

I was mad. I’m mad at myself and to the other party but mostly to myself. I know the thing that person wants, once that person got it, that person bailed out on me. Tanga lang ako eh. Alam kong yun lang ang habol tapos binigay ko naman. Na-Wow Mali ako. I’m mad at that person kasi wala siyang isang salita. May word of honor daw siya eh. Promises na hindi nafulfill. Galit naman ako sa sarili ko kasi I value my chastity. I want to be chaste until I find the right one. Ngayon, wala na. I’m half a virgin na lang. At least, half pa naman.

  1. BARGAINING

Lagi kong iniisip yung mga what ifs niya. Baka busy lang. Baka naman may problema lang or walang pampaload. Ganun. Tapos gusto ko pang makita siya for one last time para matanong siya kung bakit? Ano nga bang problema? Sa akin. Sa kanya. Gusto kong mag-goodbye in person para makita ko yung mukha niya kasi hindi ko matandaan. Para na rin makapag-move on agad. Malay mo pangit siya.

  1. DEPRESSION

It took me 2 weeks to cope with my depression when it comes to this situation. I know I am already depressed but this made it worse. I just want to stay in bed all day. Minsan naman, I go biking. I always go around the block where that person lives hoping for a chance to see and talk to that person. Minsan, paikot-ikot ako sa bayan to ease the pain. Umiiyak pa nga ako eh. Minsan sinusumpong ako mga bandang 10 pm. Minsan naman 2 am. Basta maalala ko siya, I went biking.

  1. ACCEPTANCE

The only time I got to accept what happened is when I messaged that person. A missive through text that I poured my heart into for one last time. I even cried while typing in my smart phone. It was worth it in the end because I got to say my piece and that person apologized. Not the apology I wanted but nonetheless, an apology about the thing that that person did to me. That reply signaled me to finally move on.

That’s it: the five stages of grief. Applicable yan sa mga sitwasyong nakakaiyak, nakakatawa, or nakakahiya. Hindi lang laging sa mga nakakaiyak yan pwedeng irelate. Kapag nadapa ka sa harap ng crush mo tapos face first, nakakahiya yun for you at nakakatawa for your friends if they’re there at sa crush mo. Channel your grief into something productive. Si Taylor nga nagkakaGrammys dahil sa grief of a heartbreak, malay mo ikaw din.

Move on na, masarap mabuhay.

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