9 Days

I still remember the feeling I had that Thursday morning when I woke up late. It was a cold rainy morning, and the moment I opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. The day just feels so heavy, and I can’t really explain how, and what I felt. Until that very afternoon.

You’re gone. 

That feeling I had was you dying, and leaving us too soon. The sky cried for you the whole day. I would never forget the sinking feeling I had as I was reading the unfortunate news about your death from a Facebook status. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to do or say. And to this day, thinking about you and that day still hurts.

It’s been 9 days, Jorge. And to this day, I still can’t believe what happened. I still can’t believe what happened to you, and what you did to deserve that.

I miss you, Jorge. I still do. I just hope you’re soul is at peace now. At least now, all the pains you felt this past few months are gone.

You died without me knowing. I felt betrayed but I know you had your reasons. I’m not holding that against you. I just regret that I could’ve been there, I could’ve visited you like what I always did when you were still alive. We could’ve hung out, and spent some time together. I could have shared some of my stories to you, and yours to me. I know you know some friendship currencies I needed to know since I’ve been keeping it lowkey this time around. I missed that, and I know you did too.

Listening to New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift reminds me of you. Remember New Year’s Eve of 2013? I know you already forgot about that night but I never did. We became friends that night with just a simple Facebook message. And that message turned into our constant personal correspondence: you sharing your life stories, and me just listening to you, and giving you advice when you asked me to.

Our friendship is a lot of New Year’s Eves, and New Year’s Days. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Thank you for  keeping up with me in all of my NYEs, and NYDs. I appreciated that especially the NYDs. There were a lot of those but you never left. You’re always there. I just wish I could’ve been there in your NYDs especially the last ones. I just wish I was there for you.

Like what I said before, a part of me died when you died. No one will understand the bond we had because there are things the two of us only knew, and in those moments where words can’t describe how we felt, we just knew.

Thank you, Jorge. I’ll forever miss you. 

– Kulot

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